The Voices of Reason: New Holidays

The Voices of Reason: New Holidays
by Various Authors

As we learned last issue, there are a number of people that just don't like Christmas. Considering there are plenty of worse holidays out there, it seems like it's about time we added some holidays people could really enjoy. Okay, Voices, what would you suggest we do to remedy this situation?

Question: If you could create one new holiday, what would it be?

Dileep Rao—My holiday, seriously, would be THE DAY OFF. This would be a day where you are required to see NO ONE in particular, cannot do anything that would be scheduled for this day (no soccer practices for kids, no school, nothing). A complete day off for adults. With paid vacation. No one can call you from work—you can't have a brown nose day (I'll work extra hard to get ahead!) it would be sacrosanct. The day off. No one could make you do anything at all. Also, the holiday can
not be commercialized. Ahh.

Vance Macdonald—As a Red Sox fan, I am shocked and dismayed that October 27 has yet to be made a national holiday. For those fortunate enough to be blissfully unaware of all things sports, that is the day that Boston finally won a World Series (in the memory of nearly anyone alive). As happy as that day made me, however, I have a different holiday in mind. I would like a day celebrating integrity, since it seems to be in such short supply these days. Are cynical holidays allowed?

Mark May—These are not my proposals for new national holidays, but those of singer-songwriter Dan Bern who sang in "President" about how he would change the country if he were elected President of the US:

Monday was national nude day
Everyone disrobed
Tuesday was national stoned day
Everyone got stoned
Wednesday was national painting day
Thursday no television
Friday was tennis, John McEnroe helped
From his cabinet position
Saturday, sex with impunity day
With no repercussions
Sunday, do it all: Nude, stoned, tennis, painting, sex, no
TV—enjoy!
Just be ready for work on Monday

I say let's go for it!

Bob Jensen—Having bartended my way through college, I am sensitive to the needs of those that must work on holidays, for the amusement of those of us who don't. For years I worked Thanksgivings, Christmases and New Years, waiting on those too lazy to fix their own holiday meals and drinks. So I suggest "Wait-On-Your-Own-Goddamn-Self" Day, right between Turkey Day and X-mas. All restaurants and bars would close for the day and give their wait staffs a much needed day to get charged up for the holidays. Of course one could apply my logic to Police, Fire and Hospital staffs...maybe we should call it "Anarchy Day"?

Martell—My suggestion for a new holiday is one I've been celebrating for a number of years now, as I'm sure have many of you out there have as well. And considering how unproductive people are at work on this day, we might as well let everyone take the day off and enjoy themselves to the fullest.

That day is March Madness Day, the first Thursday of the NCAA basketball tournament. The sixteen games that day start being televised at 9:30am and don't end until more than 12 hours later, and usually there are a number of stunning upsets and dramatic finishes that end up wreaking havoc on millions of people's NCAA brackets.

And the best part is that, since it always falls on a Thursday, we'll have to treat it like Thanksgiving and give everyone the following day off as well, which has another sixteen games spread over 12 hours. It will be the sports fan's über-holiday!

To submit a topic for The Voices of Reason, or to be added to the VoR Shout Out List, send an e-mail to martell@babblog.com.