The First Annual Babblog Football Playoff Gala:
Week One
by Jeff Lewis

Week One of the BFPG is in the books and a couple of things have become clear:

Unlike most football fantasy contests, the BFPG places a high priority on punting.
Players who get concussions and drop the football do not score well.
Picking from the heart was a good strategy, at least if you were a Denver Broncos fan.
Thankfully, there are fewer than six Broncos or Seahawks fans in the contest, so the race for Mediocre At Best is alive and well, even with the losses of Indianapolis and New England (it would have been nice if most contestants had more than one or two players to root for).
Kevin Faulk (two fumbles) was not as good a choice as Mike Anderson.
The Marshall School of Business seems to overestimate the productivity of the Indianapolis Colts.

In order to create a sense of community, I've tried to introduce the BFPG contestants, so that everyone can have a warm hearthy feeling in their hearts. Unfortunately, I have not met everyone I describe. In some cases I have gleened some information from the internet. In others, I have simply made things up.

As has been the case with every contest I've run, I lacked restraint, and—in addition to concocting a time-consuming scoring system—I decided to grant everyone team names and mascots. To the mascots, I also gve names and aliases and, in some cases, gave the mascots words of wisdom to mull over.

By the way, here are the top individual performers for the week:

1. Steve Smith, 564.04
2. Deion Branch, 299.21
3. Darrell Jackson, 285.5
4. Todd Sauerbraun, 275.01
5. Matt Hasselbeck, 269.88
6. Mike Anderson, 252.31
7. Sanatana Moss, 222.71
8. Rod Smith, 211.72
9. Todd Rouen, 210.89
10. Tom Brady, 201.20

Note: After completing this, I noticed that I left out Erik Sincoff's entry, which, quite frankly, places him in the bottom three. He will be added for next week.

21. William S. Shepler

For some reason, I thought this was Wade Armstrong, a part time contributor to Babblog who runs Juniorbird.com, an interesting and humorous blog that—among other things—explains why you should keep your Tivo remote out of the reach of your parrot. Unfortunately, he did not enter, but William S. Shepler did. I do not know William S. Shepler, but I think that Wade might.

Team Name: Killer Cockatoo of Death

Mascot: Junior

Wade's Words of Wisdom: If you're not watching Battlestar Galactica, you are wasting your television.

Picture courtesy of Juniorbird.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Kevin Faulk	-32.87 -26.49
WR:	Joe Jurevicius Hines Ward	48.67 106.76
QB:	Tom Brady	201.20
P:	Chris Gardocki	191.19
K:	Adam Vinatieri	44
Def:	Willie McGinest Asante Samual	102 130
Off Team	Seattle	248
Def Team	New England	121
Loser	Seattle

Outlook for Schwag:

Points:

1133.46

20. Greg Szydlowski

Greg is attempting to follow up his fantasy league football victory at the helm of Sodor_Tank_Engine with a victory in the BFPG. In tribute to his son Matthew, a charming curly-haired lad, Greg names his teams after Thomas & Friends. Greg is Jerry Rice's biggest fan and cringes whenever Marvin Harrison makes a reception. Greg owns many Dio albums and can act out Queensryche's Operation: Mindcrime in its entirety.

Team Name: The Percy and the Other Trains of the Child of the Corn

Mascot: Dio Lookalike Heavy Metal Dad

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Marvin Harrison Deion Branch	81.64 299.21
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Chris Gardocki	191.19
K:	Josh Brown	32
Def:	Nathan Vasher Dwight Freeney	68 31
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Chicago	137
Loser	Seahawks

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

1427.61

19. Kevin Rafferty

Kevin possibly is a distant relative of "Raffey," the talented water polo player, although I assume that Kevin is more discreet when publicly considering foreskins.

Team Name: Intensity Inc.

Mascot: Prince Buster Buteo, aka the Intensey the Hawk

Words of Wisdom for Prince Buster Buteo: Never challenge a British water polo player to a game of drink.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Reggie Wayne Marvin Harrison	152.29 81.64
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Homer Smith	169.66
K:	Mimsy Vanderjadt	-1.00
Def:	Gary Bracket Cato June	153 181
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Indianapolis	168
Loser	Indianapolis

Outlook for Schwag:

None.

Points:

1492.15

18. Chris Kennedy

Universally known as an unparalled host, Mr. Kennedy is a native of the greater Puget Sound region and therefore is due for a Seahawks title, even if it must come from the hands of a right-handed quarterback.

Team Name: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzorn

Mascot: Waspy, aka Jim Goose, aka Gander Jimsy, aka Gands

Words of Wisdom for Waspy: Buy Cougar Gold. It is one of the finest canned cheeses.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Jerome Bettis	-32.87 86.22
WR:	Rod Smith Reggie Wayne	211.72 152.29
QB:	Peyton Manning	197.70
P:	Hunter Smith	169.66
K:	Mike Vanderjagt	-1.00
Def:	Leroy Hill Cato June	153 181
Off Team	Seattle	248
Def Team	Chicago	137
Loser	Seattle

Prospects:

Points:

1502.22

17. Brant Wellman

Another sometime Babblog contributor, Brant has been described as, "like Mr. Clean, but more environmentally conscious, handier with a GPS device and more tolerant of strange graveyard jobs." Don't miss his blog mindless drivel, which is semi-bitter enough to cook with. I've been told that Brant is a Broncos fan, though I prefer to think of him as an Angels fan.

Team Name: Frankenfinger

Mascot: Frank Finger, aka Crooky the Digit, aka American Factory Finger

Brant's Words of Wisdom for Frankenfinger: "...broke out the first hoodie of the season, and i was almost as excited about that as i was about the first snow. i live in the hoodie."

Picks:

RB:	Tatum Bell Shaun Alexander	29.82 -32.87
WR:	Ashlie Leslie Santana Moss	78.50 222.71
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Todd Sauerbraun	275.01
K:	Jason Elam	111
Def:	Brian Urlacher Champ Bailey	198 113
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Chicago	137
Loser	Chicago

Outlook for Schwag:

Points:

1562.87

16. Harry Nguyen

The champion of the inaugaral Weekend O' Fun, Harry shares a first name with the 1947 National League batting champion Harry "The Hat" Walker, but he shares a dispostition with 1928 NL MVP "Sunny" Jim Bottomley. Many people who know him believe Harry to be a whiz with electronics.

Team Name: Hardz Hitterz

Mascot: Dead Tina, aka The Quiet Songstress, aka Pining

Words of Wisdom for Dead Tina: Ants will eat out the eyes of the best of us, if we let 'em.

Picks:

RB:	Thomas Jones Edgerrin James	172.20 189.74
WR:	Muhsin Muhammed Marvin Harrison	91.06 81.64
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Brad Maynard	118.29
K:	Mike Vanderjagt	-1.00
Def:	Brian Urlacher Gary Brackett	198 153
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Chicago	137
Loser	Indianapolis

Prospects:

None

Points:

1570.63

15. Vance MacDonald

I would like to take this opportunity to plug Vance's photography, some of which can be viewed at SmugMug. For starters, check out his favorites.

Team Name: Babblog is Nice!

Mascot: Baffles the Osterich, aka Ballfes the Ostrich, aka Baffles, Amateur Cracksman

Image courtesy of Vance.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Marvin Harrison Bobby Engram	81.64 17.27
QB:	Matt Hasselbeck	269.88
P:	Tom Rouen	210.89
K:	Mike Vanderjadt	-1.00
Def:	LeRoy Hill Gary Brackett	153 153
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Seattle	320
Loser	Seattle

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

1599.55

14. Lynn Lewis

Lynn chose her players based on the funness of their names.

Team Name: Down With The Hughes

Mascot: Archimedes, aka Archibird, aka Archi, Archi Bird, King of the Wild Frontier, aka Waterscrews

Words of Wisdom from Archimedes the Bird: Ouch! Don't bite!

Picks:

RB:	Clinton Portis Edgerrin James	81.64 189.74
WR:	Santana Moss Marvin Harrison	222.71 81.64
QB:	Ben Roethlesburger	159.02
P:	Chris Gardocki	191.19
K:	Jason Elam	111
Def:	Cato June Lofa Tatupu	153 170
Off Team	New England	75
Def Team	Indianapolis	168
Loser	New England

Prospects:

Score:

1605.94

13. Jeremy Lawson

Jeremy likes eagles and self-rising dough. He prefers Italian Sberrna pottery to off market knockoffs. In high school, he founded a punk band call Punkateria, but it failed to catch on outside of the immediate metropolitan area. I don't know Jeremy at all.

Team Name: Southeast Jerome

Mascot: Bisquick the Fast Rising Eagle

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Steve Smith Marvin Harrison	564.08 81.64
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Hunter Smith	191.19
K:	Josh Brown	32
Def:	Dwight Freeney Alex Brown	31 17
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Indianapolis	168
Loser	Seattle

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

1672.48

12. Winston Lien

The reigning Dr. Funtastic—and the only Dr. Funtastic with an actual medical degree—Winston is a lovely fellow. Little known fact: he is working on becoming Iron Bell and Iron Neck.

Team Name: Winston Lien United

Mascot: Candace, aka the Candy Box, aka Swamps the Freshwater Filly

Words of Wisdom for Candace: The term horse whisperer and all of its derivations is overused, but people have not overused the term horse whisker. Though non-sensical, it has its uses.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Marvin Harrison Santana Moss	81.64 222.71
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Tom Rouen	210.89
K:	Mike Vanderjagt	-1.00
Def:	Brian Urlacher Mike Vrabel	198 150
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Seattle	320
Loser	Seattle

Prospects:

Points:

1769.81

11. John L. Westover

Though not much is known of John L. Westover in these parts, other than that he is a friend of Martell (which does count for something), we can tell you a great deal about the 17th century surgeon John Westover The Younger, who had a tidy practice in Wedmore, Somerset between 1686-1700. To find out more than you'll ever need to know on on Dr. Westover's practice, see THE CASEBOOK OF JOHN WESTOVER OF WEDMORE, SURGEON, 1686-1700, transcribed by William G Hall.

Team Name: The Surging Surgeons

Mascot: Rambles the Muscrat, aka John R. Westover

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Rod Smith Reggie Wayne	211.72 152.29
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Tom Rouen	210.89
K:	Jason Elam	111
Def:	Lofa Tatupu Brian Urlacher	170 198
Off Team	Seattle	248
Def Team	Indianapolis	168
Loser	Seattle

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

1819.47

10. Rick Sliter

A one-time Babblog writer whose Survivor recaps were the talk of the Coast, Rick is the author of several books, an expert racketball player, an accomplished actor and now owns a house that he rented while in college.

Team Name: Sly T

Mascot: Sly T Balleyrabbit, aka Dance Dance Revolution, aka Mitsy, aka Dancles, aka Mrs. Fussbudget

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Marvin Harrison Darrell Jackson	81.64 285.51
QB:	Matt Hasselbeck	269.88
P:	Hunter Smith	169.66
K:	Mike Vanderjadt	-1.00
Def:	Gary Brackett Lofa Tatupu	153 170
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Seattle	320
Loser	Seattle

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

1843.56

9. Brenda McAlice

I would know more of Brenda if I'd sat on the other side of the table on the night when I met her. Sometimes tables are too large and nights too short. From my too brief meeting and second-hand accounts from my wife, Babblog is lucky to count Brenda among its readers.

Team Name: The Broncolinhos

Mascot: Mrs. Cutesy and the Twins

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Mike Anderson	-32.87 252.31
WR:	Marvin Harrison Santana Moss	81.64 222.71
QB:	Ben Roethlesburger	159.02
P:	Chris Gardocki	191.19
K:	Jason Elam	111
Def:	Dominique Foxworth Brian Urlacher	153 198
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Denver	408
Loser	Denver

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

1982.00

8. Carlie T. Yapp

A quick web search will tell you a great deal about Carlie Yapp: he enjoys good wines, tournament poker and he is Co-VP of External Events for the Entrepreneur Venture Management Association. Also, he is a handsome fellow.

Team Name: The Ponies

Mascot: Moonshine the MLP

Picks:

RB:	Edgerrin James Thomas Jones	189.74 172.70
WR:	Marvin Harrison Deion Branch	81.64 299.21
QB:	Tom Brady	201.2
P:	Chris Gardocki	191.19
K:	Jasom Elam	111
Def:	Brian Urlacher Lofa Tatupu	198 170
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Chicago	137
Loser	New England

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

1989.68

7. Martell

This write-up is taking a very long time so..."Martell graduated from UCSD in 1993 with a degree in Communications and a minor in Theater Performance. Like 80% of college graduates, he has never had a job in either of these fields, and it is doubtful that he will write about either Communications or Theater Performance here. "

Team Name: The Corntronveliers

Mascot: The Big Fake Chicken From Pasedena

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Corey Dillon	-32.87 103.62
WR:	Reggie Wayne Steve Smith	152.29 564.08
QB:	Matt Hassellbeck	269.88
P:	John Baker	189.84
K:	Mike Vanderjadt	-1.00
Def:	Douggie Vrabel Grant Wistrom	119 121
Off Team	Seattle	248
Def Team	Seattle	320
Loser	New England

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

2053.88

6. Bradley P. Lewis

When he was young, Bradley had a soft spot on his head that my mother told us not to press on. This was after I tried to lob tennis balls on his head for fun. Though my mother was exaggerating, we followed her advice and did not press on his head overly hard.

Team Name: Bad Bart

Mascot: Decomposed Rita, aka Dead Rita, aka Composted Rita

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Marvin Harrison Steve Smith	81.64 564.08
QB:	Tom Brady	201.20
P:	Josh Miller	164.12
K:	Adam Vinatieri	44
Def:	Cato June Willie McGinnest	181 102
Off Team	Seattle	248
Def Team	Seattle	320
Loser	Seattle

Prospects:

Score:

2065.91

5. Amir Masliyah

One of America's foremost performance artists, Amir currently is celebrating the marriage of his brother Elan, who briefly left home one year at Channukah-time, but cut short his hobo lifestyle prematurely after doing a few laps around the house. Amir excells at tasks that require vigor.

Team Name: Bolder Than Bold

Mascot: Hairpillow, aka J.D. Hairpillow, Johnnie Hairpillow

Amir's Words of Wisdom for Hairpillow: Most contestants don’t address the allergen/anaphylaxis element of the competition, but it’s one of the essential components in my cauldron of success.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Marvin Harrison Steve Smith	81.64 564.08
QB:	Tom Brady	201.20
P:	Tom Rouen	210.89
K:	Jason Elam	111
Def:	Brian Urlacher Flam Farrior	198 196.50
Off Team	Indianapolis	238
Def Team	Chicago	137
Loser	Seattle

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

2095.18

4. Glen Tsurudome

Glen recently passed the California Bar Exam, has never paid to play the University City Golf Course and looks very good in brown. Twice I've eaten German food with Glen.

Team Name: Belligeroso

Mascot: The Tunnel, aka Carpula, aka Sin-Drome!

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Edgerrin James	-32.87 189.74
WR:	Steve Smith Deion Branch	564.08 299.21
QB:	Peyton Manning	192.70
P:	Josh Miller	164.12
K:	Josh Brown	32
Def:	Gary Brackett Lofa Tatupu	153 170
Off Team	Seattle	248
Def Team	Seattle	320
Loser	Indianapolis

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

2299.98

3. Dileep Rao

An actor, playwright and regular contributor to Babblog, Deleep once worked at Banana Republic with Fiona Kennedy of the Venice Beach Kennedys. He also, to his benefit so far in this contest, is a Denver Broncos fan.

Team Name: The Canhawks

Mascot: The Cooper's Hawk That Lives in the Can Held by the Woman with Large Forearms

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Mike Anderson	-32.87 252.31
WR:	Steve Smith Rod Smith	564.08 211.72
QB:	Jake Plummer	92.15
P:	Todd Sauerbraun	275.01
K:	Josh Brown	32
Def:	Brian Urlacher Champ Bailey	198 113
Off Team	Denver	291
Def Team	Pittsburgh	328
Loser	Seattle

Outlook for Schwag:

Score:

2324.40

2. Jeff Lewis

Jeff has typed everything in this article.

Team Name: Timesaver

Mascot: Barrett Reiff, VP, TEC and Venture Capital Events Competitions

Photo courtesy of some website that also has a picture of Carlie Yapp.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Mike Anderson	-32.87 252.31
WR:	Rod Smith Steve Smith	211.72 564.08
QB:	Matt Hasselbeck	269.88
P:	Todd Sauerbraun	275.01
K:	Jason Elam	111
Def:	Gary Brackett Lofu Tatupu	153 170
Off Team	Seattle	248
Def Team	Carolina	251
Loser	Seattle

Prospects for Schwag:

None

Points:

2472.13

1. Dave Lawrence

Dave is the premier global climate modeller in the competition and is an expert on the difference between permafrost and near-surface permafrost. He is a lifelong Broncos fan; when they score you are apt to hear him mutter in delight, "Guns! Guns!"

Team Name: Guns! Guns!

Mascot: Archimedes the Arch, aka Achi Arch, aka The Easiest Arch to Walk to from the Car at Arches National Park

Words of Wisdom for Archimedes the Arch: Do not invest heavily in Nepalese mass transit.

Picks:

RB:	Shaun Alexander Mike Anderson	-32.87 252.31
WR:	Rod Smith Steve Smith	211.72 564.08
QB:	Matt Hasselback	269.88
P:	Todd Sauerbraun	275.01
K:	Jason Elam	111
Def:	Champ Bailey Brian Urlacher	113 198
Off Team	Denver	291
Def Team	Seattle	320
Loser	Seattle

Prospects:

Score:

2573.13

Jeff can be reached at jeff@babblog.com.