Rant and Rave:
Food
by Brant Wellman

Rant—Mixed Jelly —It was some time after 2am when I got to the diner, and I was in the mood for breakfast.  I ordered eggs and bacon with toast.  Once the food arrived, I checked out my options for jelly in the portable jelly container rack that the server brought me.  I knew I'd find the staples: grape jelly, mixed jelly, and strawberry preserves.  Wait a second...mixed jelly?  What the hell is that?

This is the exact thought that went through my mind on a late night visit to Pete's Kitchen in Denver a few months ago.  I'd seen it a hundred times in the past—hell, I'd even used it to top my bread before—but for some reason, I suddenly realized that there isn't any sense to this stuff.  The first thing that went through my mind is that it sounds like some bizarre contraceptive, but no, upon further reading of the label, it is actually a mixture of apple jelly and grape jelly.

I just don't get it.  If you offer grape jelly, why don't you go ahead and offer apple jelly?  I've had it before and its quite good actually.  Is it really necessary to mix two very ordinary jellies to get another that's even more ordinary?  Are there people out there that
actually answer "mixed jelly" when they are posed with the question, "What is your favorite kind of jelly?"  There must be some kind of market for it, because it is quite common, but from now on I'm going to stick with the tried and true jellies.  Call me a jelly-ist if you wish, but I believe that jellies shouldn't be mixed.