(Editor's
Note: Mr. Lewis is currently touring the western United
States with his wife, Lynn. From time to time, he
will be sending in notes from their travels.)
The
Paris Hilton Collection
At a gas station in Northern California, I couldn’t
help but stare at a man in his late thirties with a
permed mullet, tight white tank top stretched over his
beer gut and cutoff jeans showing off his bird legs.
This is exactly the same outfit that Paris Hilton wore
to marshal a celebrity racing event, although it hung
differently on her. He gave me a squinty Clint
Eastwood stare and puffed out his chest, but I already
knew not to mess with a man with a perm and cutoffs.
The
I-5 Slalom
The orange cone lobby must be very strong in Oregon.
Along the entire I-5 corridor, lane closures forced
us to make lane changes every five to ten miles. Thanks
to the Gold Rush and some subsequent other events, the
lane closures didn’t cause too many delays.
Cedar,
Chickens and Jasper’s Stink Eye
Portland is lovely in the summer. Our friends inspired
us to BBQ salmon on a cedar shingle, husband chickens
and collect rainwater in a holding tank when we return
to Oakland. We’ll do at least one of those things, no
doubt. We stayed with Brett and Lorie, who have a young
lad named Jasper. Lynn, he liked. I got the stink eye
all weekend long.
It’s
the Law
Based on a small sample of anecdotal evidence, it is
my opinion that there is one characteristic that differentiates
Oregon from Northern California. Self-service pumps
are against the law in Oregon. I don’t know the purpose
of this law, but the result is that when you get out
of your car to pump gas, everyone in the gas station
checks out your plates and gives a knowing look.
Funky
Bird How’z
Signs viewed on the Oregon and Washington coasts:
1. Fine Food, Bait, Herring
2. Boring Next Exit
3. Paradise Cove Resort Laundromat
4. Sometimes Only Good Lotion
5. Funky Bird How’z
6. Prevent Truth Decay: Brush Up On Your Bible!
7. Kids For Sale--Goat Farm
8. Square and Round Dancing Hall
9. The Sweater Store: We Make Unique Sweaters!
10. Welcome Vacancy Kris Did It
Chris’s
Advice
Chris Kennedy’s advice, as always, was spot on.
He told us not to stop in his father’s home town, which
has seen better days or has never seen a good day.
The Chevron didn’t have a credit card reader yet; it
did allow me to revisit the halcyon days when you could
fill your pump before paying, though. Chris advised
us not to eat at Lake Quinault Lodge. We had to see
what we should have missed and it was well worth it:
$13 got Lynn a chicken vinaigrette salad, with Worcestershire
sauce substituted for balsamic vinegar. Chris
also told us to rent a canoe and paddle down to the
right-hand side of the lake, where the bald eagle lives.
We saw the eagle chase an osprey that dove and caught
a fish. Unfortunately, because we rented inferior
boating technology—a rowboat—our trip to and fro was
arduous.
Mr.
Lewis can be reached at jeff@babblog.com.
Copyright
Jeff Lewis, 2004
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