Why American Commentary for the World Cup Sucks

Why American Commentary for the
World Cup Sucks
by Dileep Rao

American commentators, across the board, are the worst in coverage of soccer as a sport. Bar none. The stupidity of their talk has many aspects, but the chief reason is that they don’t seem to understand the nature of what they are watching. John Paul de la Camera is the chief offender, but as a group they are all terrible. JP, as he is wont to be called, contents himself to offer ‘color’ commentary, as if this were American Football or basketball. We don’t need that—what we need, like every other country has seemed figure out, is coverage of the GAME. Call the players, feel the strategy, feel the ebb and flow of the game. There is NO rhythm to the American coverage and that is because their overall understanding of the game is poor. It feels as if the crew were covering the game through audio only without being present at the match. Let me give you an example:

Three times during the England-Paraguay match, JP tried to bring up some sewing circle drama about Toledo calling Beckham a coward from his play in Spain. This is a tidbit, best left to tabloid rags or brought up in a relevant moment—say when the players are after each other or Beckham or Toldeo bring the ball down against the other. Thrice JP tried to interrupt the game to tell his stupid story, which sheds no light or feeling on the game. This is all part of some insipid strategy to ‘win over’ American fans by making the game more ‘appealing.’ Here's some news for you: the game is plenty appealing. It needs to be felt. A much clearer example is the routine coverage of the play. Here is the American dufus, numbskull coverage:

“Rio Ferdinand, plays for Manchester United…ahead….and Marcello… back to Paraguay.”

Okay, what does that tell you? Nothing, you can’t even understand what happened. Here is the same moment, in British coverage (which has its own annoyances):

“Ferdinand, ahead for Lampard, nifty move into space, looking for Owen…takes to the air…oh, no, poorly thought through…they’ve given the ball to Paraguay, on the break…Santa Cruz can do nothing with it….”

For all its high thresholds of excitement, and reserve, the British coverage understands the game. The emotion is clear. The stakes are clear. The American coverage is retarded. A pair of children, no exaggeration, would do a more interesting and felt job.

America is still waking up to soccer, but we’ve qualified for four World Cups in a row. Maybe we can try to find some commentators that feel the game. Understand its rhythms and love what is happening instead of covering the game like it was half Joan Rivers red carpet nonsense and half a sport they have no understanding of like jai alai.

Dileep can be reached at dileep@babblog.com.