The Voices of Reason: The History of Beauty

The Voices of Reason: The History of Beauty
by Various Authors

One recent night, my wife and I had a long debate over the following question, one which lasted well beyond midnight. It led to a series of IMDB and Google Images searches...but unfortunately not to a definitive answer. With nowhere else to turn, we decided to consult the Voices...

Question: Who were the three most beautiful women of all-time? (Please judge them based on whenever in their lifetime their beauty was at its peak.)

Bob Jensen—The three most beautiful women of all time is a tough list to come up with and will surely create much debate. I have chosen a current beauty, and recent beauty as well as one from history. They also happen to be the three women who first jumped to mind when this question was posed and there is something to be said for going with your first instinct.

Currently, the most beautiful woman on the planet is Salma Hayek. E ver since her scene in From Dusk Til Dawn, she has held that spot and not relinquished it. Recent history's greatest beauty is Ann-Margret, who in her prime was amazing. But, the greatest beauty of all time has to be Helen of Troy. I mean, come on, the face that launched 1000 ships must have really been something. And actually, the genius of Homer was to have never physically described her—rather he just gave peoples' reactions to her beauty.

Mark May—1) Ann-Margret 2) Grace Kelly (especially in Rear Window and To Catch a Thief) 3) Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner must have one of the sexiest voices ever)

Special mention for most female swimmers and pro beach volleyball players—they are hot just on general principle.

Vance Macdonald—Three? Impossible. In the spirit of the World Cup, let's run down the 32 finalists by group. I tried to stay within what I think was the spirit of the question, and pull from the more famous and popular pool of candidates, rather than the obscure and quirky.

Group A—The Golden Age. Extra points here for the dearth of botox, rhinoplasty, silicone, and collagen. Conversely, I suppose they did have the advantage of not needing to starve themselves as much as today's women. The finalists (in order): Ingrid Bergman, Lauren Bacall, Veronica Lake, Carolyn Jones.

Group B—The Dark Ages. And I only call it that because the ridiculous clothing, hair, and makeup fashions tended to obscure the beauty in these decades. Elizabeth Montgomery, Faye Dunaway (c. Bonnie and Clyde), Goldie Hawn, Olivia Hussey.

Group C—The Modern Age. Sophie Marceau, Michelle Pfeiffer, Marisa Tomei, Heather Graham.

Group D—The New Millenium. Keira Knightley, Angelina Jolie, Reese Witherspoon, Liv Tyler.

Group E—The Praise Be Diversity Group. AKA, the "not like me" group. This one is decidedly skewed toward the present, as pop culture in my white bread suburban world was shamefully skewed toward pasty white American women until oh-so-recently. Preity Zinta, Zhang Ziyi, Devon Aoki, Grace Jones

Group F—The Sirens. Emmylou Harris, Stevie Nicks, Sarah McLachlan, Alicia Keys.

Group G—The Jocks. Logan Tom, Torah Bright, Michelle Wie (Disqualified on age technicality), Dorothy Hammill (um, I was 13 during Innsbruck).

Group H—Other. Pam Beesly, Dorothy Macdonald, Kasumi (DOA), Aleera/Verona/Marishka (the only reason to see Van Helsing).

After a viciously contested round, Ingrid Bergman emerged with the gold medal, while Keira Knightley and Preity Zinta took home silver and bronze, respectively.

Brenda McAlice—BEAUTY AND CLASS: Jackie Onassis—What a courageous, beautiful woman and good mom. She's probably the classiest woman to ever live in the White House, and I respect her because she went to college and had a job when she met JFK. Also, she made it as a single mother at a time when that was unheard of and stayed suave and strong even in the constantly watchful eye of the media.

PURELY SPECULATION: Helen of Troy—she had to be a hotty to cause that much of a stir. Either that or she was REALLY good in bed.

PURELY SAPPY: My Mom—Okay, I am biased, but in her high school picture she looks like a prettier version of Audrey Hepburn, and she is beautiful to me for how she helped shape my life and how she lives hers.

So Young Kim—Elizabeth Taylor - When I was in the 6th grade, I saw Elizabeth Taylor in A Date With Judy on The Family Film Festival. She was so breathtakingly beautiful in the movie, I began to research her filmography at the public library. After that, I attempted to watch all her earlier films, when she was at the height of her beauty. After getting over my shallow phase, I did eventually watch her Oscar-winning performance in Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolf, for which she gained nearly 30 lbs. to play the role of Martha. Elizabeth Talyor is my choice off the all-time classic beauty.

Paulina Porizkova - I didn't even know who Paulina Porizkova was until
Cindy Crawford mentioned that she thought her modeling career would be short-lived when she walked into Paulina's dressing room. Indeed, Paulina Porizkova is beautiful, but the irony is, Cindy Crawford ended up being the highest paid model in the 90s. As for Paulina, her photos graced the Estee Lauder counters for 7 years before she was replaced by Elizabeth Hurley in 1995. Of course, she was also made famous when she married Ric Ocasek of The Cars.

And finally, Monica Belucci - I saw her in Malena, where she is perfectly
casted as the person every man desired and every woman despised. She's beautiful, sexy, and mysterious. If I could choose to look like any one person, I would select Monicca Belucci. I think that says it all.

Ruth Torres—Elizabeth Taylor, Aishwarya Rai and Carmen Electra. These are the only names that come up at the moment.

Kent Genzlinger—Ingrid Bergman - Who has ever projected an aura like her (the closest being Grace Kelly, with that twinkle in her eye that confirmed her naughtiness) or made you want to wrap your arms around her to protect her from those bad guys as much as she? It made me name my almost-as-beautiful cat Ilsa.

Jennifer Connelly - The all time prizewinner in the all-important versatility test for wearing anything well. Put her in an evening gown, overalls, a Catholic schoolgirl outfit, a burlap sack or an old Philadelphia Eagles jersey and she still outshines any female extant. (In person, Cindy Crawford was a memorable 2nd place here, proving her pictures do not do her justice).

Alona Cahaley - The most amazing girl in the sophmore class when I
was a senior at Pennsy Prep. Just saying her name is fun. Wonder
where she is now...

Dileep Rao—So hard to say. I'm first of all, utterly and completely ignoring the idea that we mean 'beautiful woman as encapsulating adjective' like my mother is the most beautiful woman to me, or a single mom in Harlem or rural Arkansas because of her dignity. I am going to speak about physical beauty and that's that. Otherwise, it's a whole can of worms that ends up with Mother Theresa or Marie Curie at the top and who wants that anyway? I mean are we talking about real people? Celebrities? I'm going to go with everyone ever being eligible.

First, as a side note, I must mention that New York City has so many beautiful women that it's jaw dropping. In fact, one of the women on my list was a woman I saw at the Maritime hotel deck lounge last Tuesday.

1. Sophia Loren
When she was young, she was it. The most alluring, raw, unposed
sexually potent woman alive. Seeing her, even today, you can sense
that power beneath, the residue of that body having been the habitue
of surreal, world-changing beauty. She is a beauty for all time, a
perfection of essence that erupts out of a perfect, perfect face and
body. All time.

2. Erin Wasson
This girl showed up in my mailbox on the cover of Esquire. She is
ridiculously hot. Super. She is a model, which almost always makes
me disqualify a person's beauty because a) photography does many
weird things, and b) it's like rewarding a monkey for being a
monkey. She goes beyond the usual model allure, though. Her face is
unique and...yes, perfect. Her body is ridiculous. Ridiculous. The
model of models.

3. The blonde woman in the Red Dress on the Hotel Maritime Deck
Lounge in New York. Jesus. I think my eyeballs literally popped out
of my head. She seemed to embody northern European beauty, but
unlike most models, she had a real body with a few curves (no, she
wasn't heavy, just not a stick). I was unaware that I said, as she
left, 'my god that's the hottest woman I've ever seen in my life'
loud enough for the entire group of women she was with to look at me
in an excited/bemused fashion. Absurd.

Runners up: Halle Berry (hot—so hot it's insane—but I'm turned off by
her acting), Marisa Miller, Zhang Ziyi. And there's another that I won't
mention.

Martell—I'll make this short and sweet. I think you will quickly see my bias for women that weren't captured entirely in black and white...

Tied for 3rd: Catherine Zeta-Jones and Christie Brinkley. It all depends on my particular mood that day. They are both stunning.

2nd: Bo Derek. I mean, come on—John Derek dumped Linda Evans in her prime over her. That may make him a world-class jerk, but he's a world-class jerk with impeccable taste in women.

1st: Angelina Jolie. For the first time in history, People and I agree on something. This woman is simply captivating; the true test is that both men and women alike can't take their eyes off of her.

To submit a topic for The Voices of Reason, or to be added to the VoR Shout Out List, send an e-mail to martell@babblog.com.