Survivor: Vanuatu, Episode #8 Men Behaving Badly

Survivor: Vanuatu,
Episode #8— Men Behaving Badly
by Rick Sliter

Hey, an episode recap! Let's get started right away:

Lopevi, Day 18

The group of 5 returns, and make sure that the women are focused on remaining loyal to the three alpha men. The women agree that they are with the Lopevi tribe, regardless of a merge. To make matters worse, Julie (who is quickly becoming the smartest person in this game), cuddles up with Sarge, who is as excited as a 15 year old boy. This goofy grin continues to the next morning, when Chris and Sarge discuss how hot she is (at some point Chris makes a reference to Ginger in Giligan's Island). Twila doesn't seem to understand this, and is jealous of what is going on. Easy there Twila, you still have that hot one-piece bathing suit to show off. The flirting continues even more as Sarge shows off his ass. (Possible line of the century from Sarge: "Look, I told her I was comfortable with her being an exhibitionist; I mean, I've been to Europe.") Sometimes, Americans are so dumb it hurts me...

So Sarge, Julie, and Twila all start showing off their asses. To keep the maturity level at the age of 14, Chris and Chad start to throw rocks at them as they realize what is going on. Maybe they should have passed Julie a note that read, "Someone I know likes you. Do you want to go out with them? Answer Yes/No"

We leave the land of idiots and head to Yasur, where we have Rory, which isn't exactly a step up the food chain. Rory is a bitter man--he's bitter because "without me, the camp would go into chaos." He's frustrated that the women aren't doing any work, and that he's treated poorly. Leann starts complaining about her Home Cafe coffee, water, and food that Rory made available to her. Apparently Eliza can't start a fire, and he is very upset at Ami, who is now seen as the mastermind to this whole experience. I hope Rory goes insane and threatens to burn the whole place down again.

The tribes come together (time alert--it's only 8:09 on the show, which means that something big is going down this week, like the merge), and Yasur is shocked, shocked! that both Twila and Julie are still alive. This is punctuated by Scout, who says 'I'm just so happy to see Twila.' Scout's strategy is apparently very complex--some complex reverse strategy where you act like a complete moron but secretly have a master plan? Sarge picks up on her joy of seeing Twila, and concludes two things--first, that the female outcasts of the group like to stick together, and second, that maybe, just maybe, Twila has an alliance with the women of Yasur. Hmm, what are the odds?

We head to the challenge--thankfully, without the horror of reading a tree mail. JPFU: 3 pocket shirt, fancy necklace, and shameless Survivor hat. The challenge is a bucket toss--fill it with water, then throw it from person to person, until the last person gets to fill a large bucket with water. When the water reaches a certain level, the challenge ends. Want to know what you're playing for? Milk and cookies (Chris is a milk lover!) and a giant chocolate cake. Can people be that hungry that the sight of a chocolate cake makes them go crazy and hug each other?

The challenge begins, and there is a steep learning curve on how to throw a bucket to one another without losing all the water. Julie starts by throwing the bucket upside down (which doesn't retain a lot of water). Rory actually does a few smart things--trying to trap the water against his body, and using his buff on his chest to retain any water. That said, Lopevi figures out what needs to be done, especially the combination of Chad and Chris, the last two legs of their team. The challenge continues for some time, and a few things are clear--Scout is not much of an athlete; Jeff, unlike the Donald, can actually give commentary while an event is taking place; and Lopevi is kicking some butt. Lopevi wins, and while Jeff tries to make it dramatic, it wasn't even close.

Commercial Break #1:

Not much commentary this week, unless you want me to rant about work, and that's no fun. So let's look at real commercial shown during this break---Hey, This Moment in Survivor History! This should be exciting! Remember in Africa, when the tribe burned down their entire tribe accidentally? Yeah, that was a great moment, and should really help sell some Pringles. I bet Rory loved This Moment in Survivor History...

And we're back!

Survivor goes National Geographic with crazy shots of volcanic eruptions...

Day 20 at Lopevi

Sarge is not feeling too well. See what happens when you haven't had sugar for 20 days? They don't show the fun parts of Survivor where people get very ill, and it looks like Sarge has been hanging out in the woods away from everyone for quite some time.

The group talks about how happy Scout was to see Twila, and if that is a problem. Twila says that it is not. Chad and Chris start talking about this, and they start to rationalize how the women will stay with them. First, Julie proved her loyalty in the last tribal council (isn't it just possible that she didn't want to get voted out, you freaking idiots?!). Next, they say that Twila is too stubborn to go with the women. I really don't even know what that means, but I'll be surprised if Chris thinks that their bond of Highway Construction keeps them together. Chris and Chad then go one step further, and agree to be the Final 2 (as if they can control this). Chris admits that Sarge is a threat, as is Chad, who "has a leg up on him in the final." I just shouted at the TV. Chris too realizes his poor choice of words, and apologizes to one-legged Chad. Unbelievable.

Chris has now made a final agreement with Julie, with Sarge, and with Chad. This is never a good strategy this early, as all will be revealed, and he'll find himself boxed in. Heck, if the women do this correctly, he will be gone shortly.

JPFU: 2 pocket shirt, blue; shameless gray Survivor hat. Rory hands back the immunity idol, which was broken (maybe he tried to burn it down); so be it, as the tribe is merged! Welcome to a fancy new Orange buff (probably available right now at cbs.com). The challenge is for individual immunity. It is a water relay race--swim out to an individual platform, climb a ladder, get a flag; lather, rinse, and repeat three times. The top two of each heat of five will qualify for the final.

In Stage 1, Sarge, Eliza, Chris, Julie, and Leann take to the water. Sarge gets out to a huge lead. Leann is clearly not that strong a swimmer. From the distance, you can hear Twila shouting for Sarge the entire time, hoping to remove the pain caused the prior day from Scout. Sarge takes first easily, while a fading Chris loses to Eliza for second place. I believe that Julie finished several minutes later, and Leann drowned.

In Heat 2, Rory, Chad, Twila, Scout, and Ami compete. Rory starts off to a good lead, with Ami in second. Scout makes Leann look like an Olympic swimmer. As Jeff does commentary on their places, all he can about Scout is "Scout, putting in a good effort." Chad struggles by falling off the platform before getting his second flag, which hurts him in the competition. Rory wins, with Ami a close second.

The finals now take place, with Sarge, Ami, Eliza, and Rory. Sarge gets the first flag before anyone else. The pace fades considerably as they are all exhausted, except for Sarge. It is not even close (Ami was floating on her back, and Rory was moving even more slowly). Sarge gets immunity and they head back to the former Lopevi beach where the 10 will now live. Let the game begin!

Commercial #2:

All week, CBS kept promoting that landmark reunion of the show Dallas. Now I'm a little too young to enjoy this, but the gods apparently were not too happy about this. On the day the reunion aired, one of the regulars from the cast died. Not good times...

And we're back!!

As the group walks back, Scout is arm in arm with Twila. Again, this must be the start of a masterful reverse strategy. Scout admits "I just missed Twila deep down in places I can't talk about." Some quotations need no commentary, so let's just move on.

This gathering is always a crucial time in the game. You have to quickly find out where people stand, and position yourself appropriately. Try too hard, and people get nervous, but if you're passive, you could be left out, especially when things are at 5-5 from the former tribes. My guess is that the female advantage of 6-4 will come back to haunt the men, but stranger things have happened.

As the group arrives, they find a nice cheese spread, along with several bottles of wine. Nothing better to start the conversation than several bottles of wine. Sarge admits that "this place is off the chain right now." I could be wrong, but isn't it 'off the hook?' Have I missed a crucial piece of pop culture? So who is the first to break the happiness? Surprise! It's Rory. No more than 10 minutes into getting together, and he pulls Sarge aside. He admits to Sarg just how happy he is to be merged, and immediately begins to sell out Ami as the ringleader that caught Bob Barker giving signals. Rory persuades Sarge to lead the gang against Ami. As the party starts to die down, some tasks begin. I find it great that seven people head off to get water--everyone completely afraid to be left alone for any moment at all. Chad admits to Rory that the 'Lopevi 5' are family, and that maybe, maybe, if they noticed something wrong, they would bring the minority over from Yasur to tip the voting. Again, great use of words! Well, that minority is Rory, and the men on this show have just set a record for worst use of language in a single show (one leg to stand on, bring the minority over, what's next?!).

As night turns to Day 21, the group does something worse than read tree mail--they make a flag and a name. The new name is Alinta, which somehow Scout knew meant 'the fire' (in reality, I'm sure some 23 year old production assistant kept shouting possible tribe names at this lost bunch of tribe members. If I was on Survivor, I would make the tribe name have nothing to do with the location. I'd like to see Jeff Probst have to say something like, "Come on in, 'Meatball Tribe'," or "Welcome, 'Super Mister Potato Heads'" (or my personal favorite from college, "Good effort, 'We're Not Carin'"). Eliza talks about how much she missed Julie, cause they grew real close during the first 12 days. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Julie yell at Eliza constantly for her betrayal early in the game? Amazing how two attractive women realize they need each other and forget old wounds.

Hey, at 8:41 exactly, Sarge has a thought--he's nervous that Julie, who is spending "all this time with Ami," could actually be thinking about voting with the women, and not honoring the Alliance. Seriously?! Wow, that is insightful. With that great thought, we go to break.

Commercial Break #3:

The Bachelor is so bad I can only watch it on TiVo double speed. Thankfully, with 3 people left, and thus two roses, Chris had to remind us when there was one left (because after that first one, I had no idea how many were remaining!). This franchise is falling apart quickly. I think it's off the rotation after this season (except for Jen in The Bachelorette, the 'winner' with Andrew Firestone; she's a cutie).

And we're back!!

The group eats dinner, and Scout senses that the men are nervous. Really? Brilliant! The old Lopevi tribe gets together, and Twila reveals that they want to remove Rory first, and then Ami second, because Rory is a greater physical threat. This is a decent strategy--either way, the men are going down. But if the Lopevi men can be convinced that this is the right thing to do, it could delay the revelation of the women sticking together for a few more days. If they see through it, who cares? Just vote off the men, cause you have an advantage of 6-4. Of course, this all seems too obvious. Let's see how it gets screwed up.

Ami starts to lead the charge to 'just vote off a man, regardless of who it is'. Sarge pulls Twila aside, and asks that Julie get moved away from Ami, who he believes is casting a spell on the women. Ami feels confident that Twila and Julie will not leave the Alliance. For some reason, body paint is all over everyone.

Tribal Council:

JPFU: 3 pocket shirt, gray. Jeff asks his standard series of questions that producers have already given him the answers to, such as "What is the new tribe name?" and "Twila, do you feel vulnerable tonight?" and "Julie, do you think my three pocket shirt is sexy?" Julie talked about leadership, etc. She then revealed her body paint that includes a heart over her breast that says 'Jeff' on it. Sarge, Chad and Chris must be jealous.

Rory answers some question about second chances in a terrible fashion. I didn't really hear this, cause his body paint makes him look like he is wearing a Breathe-Right nasal strip. Twila admits that she is caught in the middle (bad idea), and Ami admits that she has confidence she'll do well (another bad idea).

Here come the votes:

We see Leann vote for Rory, which indicate that the women really believe they have all 6. Here come the votes--Ami, Ami, Ami, Ami (Rory smiles), Rory, Rory, Rory, Rory, Rory (this ninth vote totally shocks the men, as they realize what should have been obvious 9 days ago--the women were going to stick together) and wow, Rory!

Rory gets the dreaded 10th place--you made it to the merge, but you're not on the jury to ask crazy bitter questions at the finale. Chad is shaking his head. Chris is confused. Sarge--well, we don't see Sarge--my guess is that he's going to go military on someone!

Next time:

Sarge is beyond upset, and this touchy feely stuff makes him sick. Eliza gets a pig, and Sarge wants to kill it.

Final words from Rory: "I was the victim of a gender war. I'm gonna burn the whole place down."

Rick can be reached at rick@babblog.com.