Survivor: Vanuatu, Episode #9 Is Twila One Of The Boys?

Survivor: Vanuatu,
Episode #9—Is Twila One Of The Boys?
by Rick Sliter

There have been many previews for CBS' Day of Destruction, which seems to be like the eighth version of the Natural Disaster, Global Warming type-drama. I'm sure it will do very well in Florida, as the people there would just love to watch about how weather destroys most of the US. The shocking thing about this one is that Nancy McKeon (Jo from The Facts of Life) is in it. Didn't she receive a lifetime sentence to only appear in Lifetime dramas?

The Amazing Race starts this week--which right now is a better show than Survivor. And Phil has replaced Jeff as the coolest host. Maybe if Jeff rolled up his sleeves a little higher...

And with that, we begin!

We start the show at the merged tribe of Alinta, Night 21, returning from tribal council. Ami expresses her gratitude of still being alive (she quotes, “We rocked the Shiznit out of the men.”) I didn't know Ami was so hip-hop. Chris expresses that he just realized that it was men against women, and that it was the first time anyone has ever wavered in an Alliance with him. Has Chris ever watched the show? Did he think the Highway Construction bond was unbreakable between him and Twila? Regardless, I'm sure Ami and her gang of ladies are frightened at the prospect of going up against him in an intellectual immunity challenge. Sarge is very upset, and can barely speak about the issues. Twila feels the need to defend herself, and actually does a good job. Chris and Chad start to strategize on how to break this female alliance up. I know what will help--a time machine, a vote to get rid of Julie, and the ability to keep John around. What a concept!

Day 22 begins, and Sarge is still quite frustrated at Twila. Truth is, Julie created all the doubt--a masterful play by her to change the course of this game. While Sarge tries to express his frustration (he has “despisal” and “remorseness”; he's now eligible to join the G.W. Bush Cabinet of Strategery), Chris interjects with comments like, “I'm not sure what they were thinking--it must be a gender thing or something.” Sarge gives Scout a death stare as she begins to sing while sitting next to the fire in the early morning. If he attacked her, this season would finally get interesting. Instead, we transition to the Reward Challenge.

JPFU: 3 pocket shirt, brown, some new jade type necklace. And is there a reason Jeff's shirts have sleeves anymore? Wouldn't it be more efficient to just cut them all off? The Reward Challenge is a trivia contest, where contestants use those stupid cubes (A, B, C, D, True, False) to display their answer to Jeff. Cheating on this must be the easiest thing ever, as half the contestants move their cube to the right answer as soon as they hear it. Jeff is going to ask about Vanuatu culture--get a question right, and you get to light one of the tribe member's three ceremonial skulls. Once all three are lit, you're done.

The reward? A helicopter ride through Vanuatu to the top of a dormant volcano, where you will receive a picnic of champagne and chicken wings. (Okay, is this the weirdest combination of food you've heard of? Did a chef back at the producer's tent make too many chicken wings, leaving a reward challenge as a way to get rid of the extras?) Before we begin, I'd like to say that if Chris wins, I promise to write these updates within hours of the show being aired. (Editor's Note: Go, Chris, go!)

The challenge begins, and it's truly clear that no one has a strategy for this game. Two things that are just ludicrous--first, never team up to reveal any sort of alliance--prior seasons have shown that this always awakes the ignorant and naive, and leads to future doom. Second, if you are say, Sarge, and the only person to go after you in the round is Scout, why in the world would you place a vote against Scout? Why invite such retaliation? (In Round 1, Sarge did exactly this, and guess what? Scout, who followed him, gave her vote right back to him.) The first to be eliminated is Sarge, as the women basically place votes for the men and get rid of them. Chad follows. Chris is third (phew!); Eliza is pissed that Twila votes for her twice, and Scout gets rid of her. Bad move from Eliza, as my guess is that this will cause some rift for the men to exploit. Can you imagine Eliza in her law school classes? She'd drive me insane. Julie is next--she still has the 'I love Jeff' heart painted on her chest; you'd think with some water nearby that she could clean herself more than once every few days...Scout is next, followed by Ami. Leann and Twila are the final two. Leann and Twila get the final question correct, but since Twila was down to her last strike, Leann wins.

So here is where these always get interesting, and is one of the most underrated aspects of the game--the Jeff Probst no-longer-a-surprise-anymore-but-you-get-to-pick-someone-to-go-with-you decision. At this point for Leann, I'd do the following--absolutely do not pick a man--there is no reason to, as they are all dead men walking; choosing Ami is not a good call, as you can have too many people back home turning on your leader. The safe mode is to choose the person that came in 2nd place, in this case Twila. She chooses Julie, which probably won't hurt her, and hey, it will be cool to hang out with Julie.

Commercial Break #1:

How is JAG still on the air? Do you actually watch it? Can you name anyone who watches it? There's this whole part of America that I'm simply not aware of, and they watch JAG...

And we're back!

Leann and Julie head out on the helicopter; Leann chose Julie because she doesn't feel she knows her very well, and wants to know where she stands as part of the alliance. The scenic shots are pretty impressive; the comments from the ladies are not (“this is kick ass”; “this is way better than an amusement park”; “I totally want to make sweet love to you”--okay, that last one didn't happen). They begin to eat that classic meal of chicken wings and champagne. They discuss the game--how Eliza's comments will make the men work to get her on the dark side; how they don't really care for Eliza and for Scout; and how they should make a Final 4 of “people we like.” I assume this means Leann, Julie, Ami, and Twila, with the 3 men and Eliza and Scout on the outside looking in.

Meanwhile, back over at Alinta, Eliza is furious, and even more upset at Scout's explanation of why she voted her off (“you have to get out the smartest people”). It's clear that Scout and Eliza aren't best buddies. It's so obvious that even Chris understands. Chris, with Chad and Sarge on a boat, inexplicably starts talking like Tonto: “Scout don't like Eliza; Scout will burn Eliza.”

Leann and Julie return back to the beach, and return at an opportune time, with the men out in the water. Leann and Julie have been drinking for a while. Julie was brilliant--she smuggled a bunch of chicken wings back, and gave them all to the girls. They ran off to eat them, and then the men returned. Now I'm not 100% sure if this was planned or if Leann adapted quickly to a weird situation, but Leann announced that they brought back 'chicken bones' from the reward, in hopes that there may be some spare meat the rest of the tribe could enjoy. Brilliant. Sarge commented on how generous of a move this was. Julie mentioned that they were worried it would be seen as an insulting move, but everyone reassured them it was great.

Commercial Break #2:

So every person who has been voted off of The Apprentice has their own web site, with super glossy model type pictures, and of course the 'hire me to do speaking engagements at your pathetic get-together' page. Can you imagine bringing in Raj to lecture you about how to tie a bow tie? Or Stacy R. on how to stand tall while only being 4'3"? These people are delusional...

And we're back!

It's a foggy Day 23 at Alinta, and when Eliza goes to get tree mail, she finds a pig that has been tied up for the tribe. She is unable to get the pig over to the tribe without Chris' help. Meanwhile, Sarge and Twila immediately want to kill it, but the instructions on tree mail state that you have to take care of the pig for a “future benefit.” Sarge expressed to the camera his disappointment about not being able to kill the pig, which equalled his disappointment over “having Estrogen City move into this camp.” At least Sarge finds humor in his dire situation...

Immunity Challenge:

JPFU: 2 pocket shirt, navy blue. Sleeves somewhere around his ears...

The challenge is an intellectual challenge (sorry Chris); players have a minute to complete a puzzle--Jeff shows them what the pattern should look like, and then they must arrange their puzzle to look the same. The puzzle contains about 15 pieces, but the first is very easy to do. Chad, Chris, and Sarge all get it wrong--the six women get it correct. For the men, they are screwed--they are all eliminated in Round 1. Puzzle 2 is a little more challenging--this time, Scout and Twila are eliminated, leaving 4 ladies left. Puzzle 3 actually has the easiest pattern, but you have less time to do the puzzle. Eliza is eliminated. For Puzzle 4, it looks almost identical to #3, with a few twists. Jeff is now wearing a hat. (He wasn't two minutes ago!) Ami is the only one to get the puzzle correct, and wins Immunity. This sure makes the men happy. Someone will be the first member of the jury...

Commercial Break #3:

Will the Golden State Warriors win a game this season?
Will Kobe ever shoot above 40% for a game?
Will I watch an NBA game before April?

And we're back!

Somehow, it's now Day 24, which means they must have kicked it with the pig for a day before going to the challenge. Ami has dictated that she is voting for Sarge, so it follows that he'll be the one to go. The men are wondering about tension between Scout and Eliza, and how they can exploit it. Scout doesn't appreciate the fact that she says 'like' all the time. Let's hope the women don't ruin this. Julie and Leann are openly displaying their new found affection for one another, which is always stupid. Sarge and Twila talk, and they basically discover that Julie put doubt in her mind against the guys. Sarge is doing an excellent job manipulating her, but it's not clear how they can turn the tables. After all this positioning, we head to Tribal Council.

JPFU: 3 pocket shirt, gray, and some khakis.

Jeff starts by going after Eliza, and why she was pissed after losing the Reward Challenge. Jeff prods her that she has been vulnerable since Day 1; Eliza speaks too much to her vulnerability. Sarge adds to the doubt by explaining that there are multiple alliances, and explaining how Twila got played by Julie. Twila shoots herself in the foot by talking about how she's always been more comfortable with the men than with the women, causing Leann to virtually pass out. Leann kind of sells Julie out by mentioned that she is getting off easy.

Jeff explains the jury concept, as 9th place is the first member of the jury, and the first person to get to give a horrible monologue/question the two finalists. The voting begins, and we only see Chris' vote, and amazingly, it is for Sarge. He says something to the effect of: “this is FOR you Sarge, not against you,” which makes no sense no matter how you analyze it. The votes are tallied, and we have: Sarge, Eliza (from Sarge), Julie (from Chad--I guess the men weren't on the same page), Sarge, Sarge, Sarge, and Sarge. Sarge is gone. Eliza seems pissed that she had one vote against her, and Twila lost another person that she could relate to.

So there we are. I'm guessing two things--first, that the next several Immunity Challenges will be terribly physical, as the producers do whatever they can to keep some men in the game. If I'm Chris or Chad--well, if I'm Chris, I shoot myself. If I'm Chad, the odds are not strong--I'm down 6 against 2. It will be tough to get 2 to defect--after all, that makes it 4-4, and the possibility of defecting and losing in a tiebreaker is too risky. So could he get three? Ami seems close to Scout and Leann; Leann is close with Julie; Twila isn't close to anyone, and Eliza is paranoid. Tough work ahead. It may just be better for Chad tank next week, let Chris go home, and try to plant seeds about being a swing vote with the 6 women. But now half of you just fell asleep, so I'll stop babbling...

Next Time on Survivor:

Mark Burnett calls up the weather to wreak havoc on the tribe, and apparently Scout flips over to the men (yeah, I'm sure that will work out just fine).

Rick can be reached at rick@babblog.com.