Hey, an episode recap! Let's get started right away:
Lopevi,
Day 18
The
group of 5 returns, and make sure that the women are focused
on remaining loyal to the three alpha men. The women
agree that they are with the Lopevi tribe, regardless of
a merge. To make matters worse, Julie (who is quickly
becoming the smartest person in this game), cuddles up with
Sarge, who is as excited as a 15 year old boy. This
goofy grin continues to the next morning, when Chris and
Sarge discuss how hot she is (at some point Chris makes
a reference to Ginger in Giligan's Island). Twila
doesn't seem to understand this, and is jealous of what
is going on. Easy there Twila, you still have that
hot one-piece bathing suit to show off. The flirting
continues even more as Sarge shows off his ass. (Possible
line of the century from Sarge: "Look, I told her
I was comfortable with her being an exhibitionist; I mean,
I've been to Europe.") Sometimes, Americans are so
dumb it hurts me...
So
Sarge, Julie, and Twila all start showing off their asses.
To keep the maturity level at the age of 14, Chris and Chad
start to throw rocks at them as they realize what is going
on. Maybe they should have passed Julie a note that
read, "Someone I know likes you. Do you want
to go out with them? Answer Yes/No"
We
leave the land of idiots and head to Yasur, where we have
Rory, which isn't exactly a step up the food chain.
Rory is a bitter man--he's bitter because "without me, the
camp would go into chaos." He's frustrated that the
women aren't doing any work, and that he's treated poorly.
Leann starts complaining about her Home Cafe coffee, water,
and food that Rory made available to her. Apparently
Eliza can't start a fire, and he is very upset at Ami, who
is now seen as the mastermind to this whole experience.
I hope Rory goes insane and threatens to burn the whole
place down again.
The
tribes come together (time alert--it's only 8:09 on the
show, which means that something big is going down this
week, like the merge), and Yasur is shocked, shocked!
that both Twila and Julie are still alive. This is
punctuated by Scout, who says 'I'm just so happy to see
Twila.' Scout's strategy is apparently very complex--some
complex reverse strategy where you act like a complete moron
but secretly have a master plan? Sarge picks up on
her joy of seeing Twila, and concludes two things--first,
that the female outcasts of the group like to stick together,
and second, that maybe, just maybe, Twila has an alliance
with the women of Yasur. Hmm, what are the odds?
We
head to the challenge--thankfully, without the horror of
reading a tree mail. JPFU: 3 pocket shirt, fancy
necklace, and shameless Survivor hat. The
challenge is a bucket toss--fill it with water, then throw
it from person to person, until the last person gets to
fill a large bucket with water. When the water reaches
a certain level, the challenge ends. Want to know
what you're playing for? Milk and cookies (Chris is
a milk lover!) and a giant chocolate cake. Can people
be that hungry that the sight of a chocolate cake makes
them go crazy and hug each other?
The
challenge begins, and there is a steep learning curve on
how to throw a bucket to one another without losing all
the water. Julie starts by throwing the bucket upside
down (which doesn't retain a lot of water). Rory actually
does a few smart things--trying to trap the water against
his body, and using his buff on his chest to retain any
water. That said, Lopevi figures out what needs to
be done, especially the combination of Chad and Chris, the
last two legs of their team. The challenge continues
for some time, and a few things are clear--Scout is not
much of an athlete; Jeff, unlike the Donald, can actually
give commentary while an event is taking place; and Lopevi
is kicking some butt. Lopevi wins, and while Jeff
tries to make it dramatic, it wasn't even close.
Commercial
Break #1:
Not
much commentary this week, unless you want me to rant about
work, and that's no fun. So let's look at real commercial
shown during this break---Hey, This Moment in Survivor
History! This should be exciting! Remember in
Africa, when the tribe burned down their entire tribe accidentally?
Yeah, that was a great moment, and should really help sell
some Pringles. I bet Rory loved This Moment in Survivor
History...
And
we're back!
Survivor
goes National Geographic with crazy shots of volcanic
eruptions...
Day
20 at Lopevi
Sarge
is not feeling too well. See what happens when you
haven't had sugar for 20 days? They don't show the
fun parts of Survivor where people get very ill,
and it looks like Sarge has been hanging out in the woods
away from everyone for quite some time.
The
group talks about how happy Scout was to see Twila, and
if that is a problem. Twila says that it is not.
Chad and Chris start talking about this, and they start
to rationalize how the women will stay with them.
First, Julie proved her loyalty in the last tribal council
(isn't it just possible that she didn't want to get voted
out, you freaking idiots?!). Next, they say that Twila
is too stubborn to go with the women. I really don't
even know what that means, but I'll be surprised if Chris
thinks that their bond of Highway Construction keeps them
together. Chris and Chad then go one step further,
and agree to be the Final 2 (as if they can control this).
Chris admits that Sarge is a threat, as is Chad, who "has
a leg up on him in the final." I just shouted
at the TV. Chris too realizes his poor choice of words,
and apologizes to one-legged Chad. Unbelievable.
Chris
has now made a final agreement with Julie, with Sarge, and
with Chad. This is never a good strategy this early,
as all will be revealed, and he'll find himself boxed in.
Heck, if the women do this correctly, he will be gone shortly.
JPFU:
2 pocket shirt, blue; shameless gray Survivor hat.
Rory hands back the immunity idol, which was broken (maybe
he tried to burn it down); so be it, as the tribe is merged!
Welcome to a fancy new Orange buff (probably available right
now at cbs.com). The challenge is for individual immunity.
It is a water relay race--swim out to an individual platform,
climb a ladder, get a flag; lather, rinse, and repeat three
times. The top two of each heat of five will qualify
for the final.
In
Stage 1, Sarge, Eliza, Chris, Julie, and Leann take to the
water. Sarge gets out to a huge lead. Leann
is clearly not that strong a swimmer. From the distance,
you can hear Twila shouting for Sarge the entire time, hoping
to remove the pain caused the prior day from Scout.
Sarge takes first easily, while a fading Chris loses to
Eliza for second place. I believe that Julie finished
several minutes later, and Leann drowned.
In
Heat 2, Rory, Chad, Twila, Scout, and Ami compete.
Rory starts off to a good lead, with Ami in second.
Scout makes Leann look like an Olympic swimmer. As
Jeff does commentary on their places, all he can about Scout
is "Scout, putting in a good effort." Chad
struggles by falling off the platform before getting his
second flag, which hurts him in the competition. Rory
wins, with Ami a close second.
The
finals now take place, with Sarge, Ami, Eliza, and Rory.
Sarge gets the first flag before anyone else. The
pace fades considerably as they are all exhausted, except
for Sarge. It is not even close (Ami was floating
on her back, and Rory was moving even more slowly).
Sarge gets immunity and they head back to the former Lopevi
beach where the 10 will now live. Let the game begin!
Commercial
#2:
All
week, CBS kept promoting that landmark reunion of the show
Dallas. Now I'm a little too young to enjoy
this, but the gods apparently were not too happy about this.
On the day the reunion aired, one of the regulars from the
cast died. Not good times...
And
we're back!!
As
the group walks back, Scout is arm in arm with Twila.
Again, this must be the start of a masterful reverse strategy.
Scout admits "I just missed Twila deep down in places
I can't talk about." Some quotations need no
commentary, so let's just move on.
This
gathering is always a crucial time in the game. You
have to quickly find out where people stand, and position
yourself appropriately. Try too hard, and people get
nervous, but if you're passive, you could be left out, especially
when things are at 5-5 from the former tribes. My
guess is that the female advantage of 6-4 will come back
to haunt the men, but stranger things have happened.
As
the group arrives, they find a nice cheese spread, along
with several bottles of wine. Nothing better to start
the conversation than several bottles of wine. Sarge
admits that "this place is off the chain right now."
I could be wrong, but isn't it 'off the hook?' Have
I missed a crucial piece of pop culture? So who is
the first to break the happiness? Surprise!
It's Rory. No more than 10 minutes into getting together,
and he pulls Sarge aside. He admits to Sarg just how
happy he is to be merged, and immediately begins to sell
out Ami as the ringleader that caught Bob Barker giving
signals. Rory persuades Sarge to lead the gang against
Ami. As the party starts to die down, some tasks begin.
I find it great that seven people head off to get water--everyone
completely afraid to be left alone for any moment at all.
Chad admits to Rory that the 'Lopevi 5' are family, and
that maybe, maybe, if they noticed something wrong, they
would bring the minority over from Yasur to tip the voting.
Again, great use of words! Well, that minority is
Rory, and the men on this show have just set a record for
worst use of language in a single show (one leg to stand
on, bring the minority over, what's next?!).
As
night turns to Day 21, the group does something worse than
read tree mail--they make a flag and a name. The new
name is Alinta, which somehow Scout knew meant 'the fire'
(in reality, I'm sure some 23 year old production assistant
kept shouting possible tribe names at this lost bunch of
tribe members. If I was on Survivor, I would
make the tribe name have nothing to do with the location.
I'd like to see Jeff Probst have to say something like,
"Come on in, 'Meatball Tribe'," or "Welcome, 'Super Mister
Potato Heads'" (or my personal favorite from college, "Good
effort, 'We're Not Carin'"). Eliza talks about how
much she missed Julie, cause they grew real close during
the first 12 days. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't
Julie yell at Eliza constantly for her betrayal early in
the game? Amazing how two attractive women realize
they need each other and forget old wounds.
Hey,
at 8:41 exactly, Sarge has a thought--he's nervous that
Julie, who is spending "all this time with Ami," could actually
be thinking about voting with the women, and not honoring
the Alliance. Seriously?! Wow, that is insightful.
With that great thought, we go to break.
Commercial
Break #3:
The
Bachelor is so bad I can only watch it on TiVo double
speed. Thankfully, with 3 people left, and thus two roses,
Chris had to remind us when there was one left (because
after that first one, I had no idea how many were remaining!).
This franchise is falling apart quickly. I think it's
off the rotation after this season (except for Jen in The
Bachelorette, the 'winner' with Andrew Firestone; she's
a cutie).
And
we're back!!
The
group eats dinner, and Scout senses that the men are nervous.
Really? Brilliant! The old Lopevi tribe gets
together, and Twila reveals that they want to remove Rory
first, and then Ami second, because Rory is a greater physical
threat. This is a decent strategy--either way, the
men are going down. But if the Lopevi men can be convinced
that this is the right thing to do, it could delay the revelation
of the women sticking together for a few more days.
If they see through it, who cares? Just vote off the
men, cause you have an advantage of 6-4. Of course,
this all seems too obvious. Let's see how it gets
screwed up.
Ami
starts to lead the charge to 'just vote off a man, regardless
of who it is'. Sarge pulls Twila aside, and asks that
Julie get moved away from Ami, who he believes is casting
a spell on the women. Ami feels confident that Twila
and Julie will not leave the Alliance. For some reason,
body paint is all over everyone.
Tribal
Council:
JPFU:
3 pocket shirt, gray. Jeff asks his standard series
of questions that producers have already given him the answers
to, such as "What is the new tribe name?" and
"Twila, do you feel vulnerable tonight?" and "Julie,
do you think my three pocket shirt is sexy?"
Julie talked about leadership, etc. She then revealed
her body paint that includes a heart over her breast that
says 'Jeff' on it. Sarge, Chad and Chris must be jealous.
Rory
answers some question about second chances in a terrible
fashion. I didn't really hear this, cause his body
paint makes him look like he is wearing a Breathe-Right
nasal strip. Twila admits that she is caught in the
middle (bad idea), and Ami admits that she has confidence
she'll do well (another bad idea).
Here
come the votes:
We
see Leann vote for Rory, which indicate that the women really
believe they have all 6. Here come the votes--Ami,
Ami, Ami, Ami (Rory smiles), Rory, Rory, Rory, Rory, Rory
(this ninth vote totally shocks the men, as they realize
what should have been obvious 9 days ago--the women were
going to stick together) and wow, Rory!
Rory
gets the dreaded 10th place--you made it to the merge, but
you're not on the jury to ask crazy bitter questions at
the finale. Chad is shaking his head. Chris
is confused. Sarge--well, we don't see Sarge--my guess
is that he's going to go military on someone!
Next
time:
Sarge
is beyond upset, and this touchy feely stuff makes him sick.
Eliza gets a pig, and Sarge wants to kill it.
Final
words from Rory: "I was the victim of a gender
war. I'm gonna burn the whole place down."
Rick
can be reached at rick@babblog.com.
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