There have been many previews for CBS' Day of Destruction,
which seems to be like the eighth version of the Natural
Disaster, Global Warming type-drama. I'm sure it will
do very well in Florida, as the people there would just
love to watch about how weather destroys most of the US.
The shocking thing about this one is that Nancy McKeon (Jo
from The Facts of Life) is in it. Didn't
she receive a lifetime sentence to only appear in Lifetime
dramas?
The
Amazing Race
starts this week--which right now is a better show than
Survivor. And Phil has replaced Jeff as the
coolest host. Maybe if Jeff rolled up his sleeves
a little higher...
And
with that, we begin!
We
start the show at the merged tribe of Alinta, Night 21,
returning from tribal council. Ami expresses her gratitude
of still being alive (she quotes, “We rocked the Shiznit
out of the men.”) I didn't know Ami was so hip-hop.
Chris expresses that he just realized that it was men against
women, and that it was the first time anyone has ever wavered
in an Alliance with him. Has Chris ever watched the
show? Did he think the Highway Construction bond was
unbreakable between him and Twila? Regardless, I'm
sure Ami and her gang of ladies are frightened at the prospect
of going up against him in an intellectual immunity challenge.
Sarge is very upset, and can barely speak about the issues.
Twila feels the need to defend herself, and actually does
a good job. Chris and Chad start to strategize on
how to break this female alliance up. I know what
will help--a time machine, a vote to get rid of Julie, and
the ability to keep John around. What a concept!
Day
22 begins, and Sarge is still quite frustrated at Twila.
Truth is, Julie created all the doubt--a masterful play
by her to change the course of this game. While Sarge
tries to express his frustration (he has “despisal”
and “remorseness”; he's now eligible to join
the G.W. Bush Cabinet of Strategery), Chris interjects with
comments like, “I'm not sure what they were thinking--it
must be a gender thing or something.” Sarge
gives Scout a death stare as she begins to sing while sitting
next to the fire in the early morning. If he attacked
her, this season would finally get interesting. Instead,
we transition to the Reward Challenge.
JPFU:
3 pocket shirt, brown, some new jade type necklace.
And is there a reason Jeff's shirts have sleeves anymore?
Wouldn't it be more efficient to just cut them all off?
The Reward Challenge is a trivia contest, where contestants
use those stupid cubes (A, B, C, D, True, False) to display
their answer to Jeff. Cheating on this must be the
easiest thing ever, as half the contestants move their cube
to the right answer as soon as they hear it. Jeff
is going to ask about Vanuatu culture--get a question right,
and you get to light one of the tribe member's three ceremonial
skulls. Once all three are lit, you're done.
The
reward? A helicopter ride through Vanuatu to the top of
a dormant volcano, where you will receive a picnic of champagne
and chicken wings. (Okay, is this the weirdest combination
of food you've heard of? Did a chef back at the producer's
tent make too many chicken wings, leaving a reward challenge
as a way to get rid of the extras?) Before we begin,
I'd like to say that if Chris wins, I promise to write these
updates within hours of the show being aired. (Editor's
Note: Go, Chris, go!)
The
challenge begins, and it's truly clear that no one has a
strategy for this game. Two things that are just ludicrous--first,
never team up to reveal any sort of alliance--prior seasons
have shown that this always awakes the ignorant and naive,
and leads to future doom. Second, if you are say,
Sarge, and the only person to go after you in the round
is Scout, why in the world would you place a vote against
Scout? Why invite such retaliation? (In Round
1, Sarge did exactly this, and guess what? Scout,
who followed him, gave her vote right back to him.)
The first to be eliminated is Sarge, as the women basically
place votes for the men and get rid of them. Chad
follows. Chris is third (phew!); Eliza is pissed that
Twila votes for her twice, and Scout gets rid of her.
Bad move from Eliza, as my guess is that this will cause
some rift for the men to exploit. Can you imagine
Eliza in her law school classes? She'd drive me insane.
Julie is next--she still has the 'I love Jeff' heart painted
on her chest; you'd think with some water nearby that she
could clean herself more than once every few days...Scout
is next, followed by Ami. Leann and Twila are the
final two. Leann and Twila get the final question
correct, but since Twila was down to her last strike, Leann
wins.
So
here is where these always get interesting, and is one of
the most underrated aspects of the game--the Jeff Probst
no-longer-a-surprise-anymore-but-you-get-to-pick-someone-to-go-with-you
decision. At this point for Leann, I'd do the following--absolutely
do not pick a man--there is no reason to, as they are all
dead men walking; choosing Ami is not a good call, as you
can have too many people back home turning on your leader.
The safe mode is to choose the person that came in 2nd place,
in this case Twila. She chooses Julie, which probably
won't hurt her, and hey, it will be cool to hang out with
Julie.
Commercial
Break #1:
How
is JAG still on the air? Do you actually
watch it? Can you name anyone who watches it?
There's this whole part of America that I'm simply not aware
of, and they watch JAG...
And
we're back!
Leann
and Julie head out on the helicopter; Leann chose Julie
because she doesn't feel she knows her very well, and wants
to know where she stands as part of the alliance.
The scenic shots are pretty impressive; the comments from
the ladies are not (“this is kick ass”; “this
is way better than an amusement park”; “I totally
want to make sweet love to you”--okay, that last one
didn't happen). They begin to eat that classic meal
of chicken wings and champagne. They discuss the game--how
Eliza's comments will make the men work to get her on the
dark side; how they don't really care for Eliza and for
Scout; and how they should make a Final 4 of “people
we like.” I assume this means Leann, Julie,
Ami, and Twila, with the 3 men and Eliza and Scout on the
outside looking in.
Meanwhile,
back over at Alinta, Eliza is furious, and even more upset
at Scout's explanation of why she voted her off (“you
have to get out the smartest people”). It's
clear that Scout and Eliza aren't best buddies. It's
so obvious that even Chris understands. Chris, with
Chad and Sarge on a boat, inexplicably starts talking like
Tonto: “Scout don't like Eliza; Scout will burn
Eliza.”
Leann
and Julie return back to the beach, and return at an opportune
time, with the men out in the water. Leann and Julie
have been drinking for a while. Julie was brilliant--she
smuggled a bunch of chicken wings back, and gave them all
to the girls. They ran off to eat them, and then the
men returned. Now I'm not 100% sure if this was planned
or if Leann adapted quickly to a weird situation, but Leann
announced that they brought back 'chicken bones' from the
reward, in hopes that there may be some spare meat the rest
of the tribe could enjoy. Brilliant. Sarge commented
on how generous of a move this was. Julie mentioned
that they were worried it would be seen as an insulting
move, but everyone reassured them it was great.
Commercial
Break #2:
So
every person who has been voted off of The Apprentice
has their own web site, with super glossy model type pictures,
and of course the 'hire me to do speaking engagements at
your pathetic get-together' page. Can you imagine
bringing in Raj to lecture you about how to tie a bow tie?
Or Stacy R. on how to stand tall while only being 4'3"?
These people are delusional...
And
we're back!
It's
a foggy Day 23 at Alinta, and when Eliza goes to get tree
mail, she finds a pig that has been tied up for the tribe.
She is unable to get the pig over to the tribe without Chris'
help. Meanwhile, Sarge and Twila immediately want
to kill it, but the instructions on tree mail state that
you have to take care of the pig for a “future benefit.”
Sarge expressed to the camera his disappointment about not
being able to kill the pig, which equalled his disappointment
over “having Estrogen City move into this camp.”
At least Sarge finds humor in his dire situation...
Immunity
Challenge:
JPFU:
2 pocket shirt, navy blue. Sleeves somewhere around
his ears...
The
challenge is an intellectual challenge (sorry Chris); players
have a minute to complete a puzzle--Jeff shows them what
the pattern should look like, and then they must arrange
their puzzle to look the same. The puzzle contains
about 15 pieces, but the first is very easy to do.
Chad, Chris, and Sarge all get it wrong--the six women get
it correct. For the men, they are screwed--they are
all eliminated in Round 1. Puzzle 2 is a little more
challenging--this time, Scout and Twila are eliminated,
leaving 4 ladies left. Puzzle 3 actually has the easiest
pattern, but you have less time to do the puzzle.
Eliza is eliminated. For Puzzle 4, it looks almost
identical to #3, with a few twists. Jeff is now wearing
a hat. (He wasn't two minutes ago!) Ami
is the only one to get the puzzle correct, and wins Immunity.
This sure makes the men happy. Someone will be the
first member of the jury...
Commercial
Break #3:
Will
the Golden State Warriors win a game this season?
Will Kobe ever shoot above 40% for a game?
Will I watch an NBA game before April?
And
we're back!
Somehow,
it's now Day 24, which means they must have kicked it with
the pig for a day before going to the challenge. Ami
has dictated that she is voting for Sarge, so it follows
that he'll be the one to go. The men are wondering
about tension between Scout and Eliza, and how they can
exploit it. Scout doesn't appreciate the fact that
she says 'like' all the time. Let's hope the women
don't ruin this. Julie and Leann are openly displaying
their new found affection for one another, which is always
stupid. Sarge and Twila talk, and they basically discover
that Julie put doubt in her mind against the guys. Sarge
is doing an excellent job manipulating her, but it's not
clear how they can turn the tables. After all this
positioning, we head to Tribal Council.
JPFU:
3 pocket shirt, gray, and some khakis.
Jeff
starts by going after Eliza, and why she was pissed after
losing the Reward Challenge. Jeff prods her that she
has been vulnerable since Day 1; Eliza speaks too much to
her vulnerability. Sarge adds to the doubt by explaining
that there are multiple alliances, and explaining how Twila
got played by Julie. Twila shoots herself in the foot
by talking about how she's always been more comfortable
with the men than with the women, causing Leann to virtually
pass out. Leann kind of sells Julie out by mentioned
that she is getting off easy.
Jeff
explains the jury concept, as 9th place is the first member
of the jury, and the first person to get to give a horrible
monologue/question the two finalists. The voting begins,
and we only see Chris' vote, and amazingly, it is for Sarge.
He says something to the effect of: “this is
FOR you Sarge, not against you,” which makes no sense
no matter how you analyze it. The votes are tallied,
and we have: Sarge, Eliza (from Sarge), Julie (from Chad--I
guess the men weren't on the same page), Sarge, Sarge, Sarge,
and Sarge. Sarge is gone. Eliza seems pissed
that she had one vote against her, and Twila lost another
person that she could relate to.
So
there we are. I'm guessing two things--first, that
the next several Immunity Challenges will be terribly physical,
as the producers do whatever they can to keep some men in
the game. If I'm Chris or Chad--well, if I'm Chris,
I shoot myself. If I'm Chad, the odds are not strong--I'm
down 6 against 2. It will be tough to get 2 to defect--after
all, that makes it 4-4, and the possibility of defecting
and losing in a tiebreaker is too risky. So could
he get three? Ami seems close to Scout and Leann;
Leann is close with Julie; Twila isn't close to anyone,
and Eliza is paranoid. Tough work ahead. It
may just be better for Chad tank next week, let Chris go
home, and try to plant seeds about being a swing vote with
the 6 women. But now half of you just fell asleep,
so I'll stop babbling...
Next
Time on Survivor:
Mark
Burnett calls up the weather to wreak havoc on the tribe,
and apparently Scout flips over to the men (yeah, I'm sure
that will work out just fine).
Rick
can be reached at rick@babblog.com.
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