Quaint Old English Customs #2: The B&B

Quaint Old English Customs #2: The B&B
by Ian Wigley

When I was really young, I was always treated to a holiday by the coast. The reason we never went anywhere more exotic was due to financial constraints, and due to my parents’ love for the English holiday resort. Despite it's lack of glamour, I have continued to travel to the English coast to this day. It has wonderful allure, so old-fashioned and tongue-in-cheek. Although I adore the world in terms of travel, I’ll seldom let a few months go by without tripping to the English coast.

I frequently go to a place named Whitby. It’s a small coastal fishing village with a glorious abbey and a handful of really good pubs. It’s better to go to Whitby out of season, preferably when it’s cold, as the place is better when it’s full of just the locals, and when the cold night air cuts at your cheeks. There are lots of places around Whitby that are easy to get to, Robin Hood’s Bay being the best of all, and all these places are picturesque and interesting. There’s little wonder I spend so much time in Whitby.

I’m a schoolteacher by trade. Each Friday night in this past January, I would get rid of the children from my class at 3.30pm and then hot-foot it up to Whitby for the night and the day after. The drive from Doncaster to Whitby is two hours; once I got there I would find somewhere to stay. Hotels were pricey and characterless and caravans were out of the question, but guest houses – Bed & Breakfasts – were the perfect place to stay, and not predominantly for their affordability, but for their wonderful character.

English coastal guest houses are mainly one of the same breed, all decked out in similar décor, all with friendly owners (usually a couple, married), and all operate in the same way. A double room costs about £40 - £60 (if you stay in it alone you don’t get it for half-price; you have to get a single room, obviously, for that privilege). Bookings can be made in advance or you can walk up and just try for a room. You’ll know if there’s one available, because in the window there’s a sign which reads either "Vacancies," or if you’re unfortunate, "No Vacancies." Personally, I never book in advance. I love the chase; the insecurity of not having somewhere to stay gives you quite a rush.

On finding a "Vacancies" sign, it’s here I get the first opportunity to meet the owners of the guest house. Ringing the doorbell to meet a complete stranger and then asking him or her if I can stay in their house holds fine intrigue. One of the owners (usually they both don’t come to the door at once) gives you a warm welcome, then tells you if there is room at the guest house. If there is, the chat begins…“Where have you come from? Have you been travelling long?” they ask. “Are you here for a while?” “I hope you get the weather.” All small snippets of chit-chat to ease you into a simple friendship that in some cases only lasts a night. If you go as often as I do, you can sometimes predict what’s going to come out of the owner’s mouth next.

He then shows you the room. If it’s suitable, and you like the price, then come The Rules. The owner tells you simple things like the breakfast serving times (usually between 8.00 and 9.30am) and the breakfast menu (always featuring a "full English breakfast" – bacon, eggs, sausage, beans, tomatoes, fried bread and mushrooms). He tells you (usually) that his guest house is a no-smoking establishment, but if you do want a cigarette then go outside. He explains the keys to each door—“this one is for the main door, the red one is for the inner door, the yellow key is for your room, the main door is never locked, the inner door is locked at 11.00pm.” The patter is always the same, from place to place.

After asking you to fill in the guest book on your exit, he then tells you where to find him in the guest house should there be an emergency, or should you need him for anything. This is usually a room on the ground floor where he and his family reside. The owner then tells you that you need to be out of your room by 10.30am in the morning in order for the room to be cleaned in preparation for the next guests. Finally, he tells you to enjoy your stay, bids you farewell, and then heads off on his merry way. It’s standard across the board.

After you’ve had The Rules, you get a chance to have a better look at your room. This is usually unnecessary, as all B&B rooms are the same. There is a table next to the bed housing a drawer, in the drawer is a folder containing local maps, event schedules, local attractions and general information about the guest house and the surrounding area. On the dressing table there’s a kettle with a cup or two and a selection of tea-bags, coffee and sugar sachets, and there’s always two or three small plastic milk containers, the type you get in motorway filling stations.

There’s always a TV in your room, usually suspended above head-height and pointed towards the bed. It never has the Sky packages to view—no, only network television channels. The wardrobes or drawers always have a hairdryer in them, and there is often an iron for your use, and if not, there’s a note in the drawer that says you can borrow the owner’s iron. There’s often a comfortable chair to sit on, and a waste paper bin with a plastic bag in it for your rubbish.

The bathroom is always immaculately clean. There’s a fresh roll of toilet paper on the toilet roll holder, and a spare roll close by. There’s always new soap, usually a small bar (to save on costs), a clean towel or three, and a selection of small bottles of shower gel, body lotion and shampoo in the shower (or, if you’re lucky, on the side of the bath). This again is standard.

The décor in the B&B is relatively the same across the board – pure 1970s. It’s a well known fact that the reason for this is because the 70s were the golden era for holidays in England. Whereas in the 1930s more people that lived nearby went to the coast just for a few hours, in the 1970s people went to the coast and stayed for longer than just a day (due to transport being better in the 1970s, more roads, cars and train stations at coastal resorts). That’s the reason for better accommodation cropping up; it catered for the demand, simple economics.

So, if the 1970s were the golden era for holidays in England, why not decorate your guest house like it was in the 1970s…it’ll take your guest back to a time when sea-fronts were packed, when children came to the coast with their mums and dads instead of flying to Florida or Ibiza, it reminds the guests of a time when things were good, and life was a heck of a lot simpler.

So after you’ve settled into your room, it’s usually time to "see the sights," namely trip out to check out the amenities and the sea-front. Most people holidaying in England use the guest house at nights, namely to sleep. In the daytime they’re out doing holiday-stuff. You’d work out which keys fit which doors on the way out (because you’d forgotten what the owner said not two hours before) and head off to buy candy floss and ice-creams, and to paddle in the sea with your trousers rolled up to your knees. The guest house is forgotten until long after dark.

The return to the guest house after a day of doing holiday-stuff is usually one which is less memorable than the original visit, usually because you’ve been sampling the range of good ales in the local pubs. You struggle to find the right key for the right door, and no doubt you make too much noise getting back inside. Guest houses have a certain smell—not offensive, just a "guest house smell," one of warmth and welcoming. In fact, the guest house is usually pleasantly warm on your return late at night, having just enough heat to keep you toasty, but not too much to send the gas bill into orbit.

Guest houses are deathly quiet at night; it’s etiquette to not annoy the sleeping guests, or the owners. The entrance hallway is always dimly lit, giving just enough light to get by and ensure you don’t trip over and injure yourself. Passing through the hallway, it’s then time to navigate the B&B’s stairs to get to your room. Once that feat is accomplished, the rest of the day is just history – get in your room, put the TV on, fall asleep. When you’ve had a day full of walking and fresh sea air, sleep always comes easily.

The following morning brings another unique B&B experience, the breakfast. As I stated earlier, the breakfast window is usually 8.00 to 9.30am. All B&Bs breakfast rooms are pretty much the same, the layout, the menu, the morning chit-chat. On entering the dining hall, the owner usually greets you, asks you if you had a good day/night yesterday/last night. You engage in small-talk, make polite conversation and generally be sociable. All the guests around you keep themselves-to-themselves, but will chip in the odd polite word or two about their experiences they’ve had by the coast, or about the times they’ve overheard you’ve had at the coast. It’s a very amicable experience, and one which is pertinent to guest houses across the country.

The food need be mentioned. Breakfast always comprises of the same food across guest houses. You either get fruit juice or cereal as a starter, then a main course – full English breakfast or a bacon or sausage sandwich, maybe beans-on-toast, maybe egg-on-toast, or maybe just toast. The butter which you butter your toast with is always wrapped in small rectangular foil wrapping. I don’t quite know why, it just is. A pot of tea is always on the menu, and comes as standard. You can’t beat a good cup of tea with your breakfast—if the good hearty breakfast sets you up for the day, the pot of tea just compliments the food, and keeps you warm should the British weather turn cold (and it does!!!). The breakfast is eaten at a leisurely pace. The owners don’t rush you; the meal is savoured.

After breakfast there’s little else to do other than return to your room and either check out, or go out if you’re staying for longer than a night. If it’s just a night you stay for, then you’ve come to the end of your experience in a traditional English seaside B&B…but if my experience is anything to go by, it’ll not be long before you’re back for more.

Ian can be reached at ian@babblog.com.